So I have grand plans, the grandest plans this world has ever known! I'mma watch four movies in the theaters over the weekend. Starting today. Now, I know, I know your jealous, but it's okay. You'll find your happiness somewhere, I honestly believe that.
Okay, Okay, I know I'm being a bit much, but it has honestly been a long long time since I've been truly happy. I would wake up and just walk around for a while, trying to convince myself that things were going to get better, but I didn't really believe it, not till I made these plans and found that I was actually excited. I was actually looking forward to it.
After that, it was like a flood gate opened and everything was more enjoyable. I feel alive for the first time in over a year and a half. Life is good!
Life can be good. It's been a long time since I could see that. A long time since I woke up feeling good about life and where I'm at in my life. Today was such a day. Cutting out of the people in my life who went out of their way to tear me down every chance they got made a world of difference. Recommitting myself to my art has lightened my mood and put me on the path to being me again.
Sometimes it's hard to cut out people who hurt you, for many reasons. Sometimes it's because they have been in your life for years, other times it's because you know they are going through a hard time and you feel a need to protect them, even if it costs you your own well being, but sometimes you have to be selfish and do what's best for yourself. You can't always put everyone else first because after a while you start to lose yourself.
It wasn't an easy lesson for me to learn, but it is one that I now take to heart. Life is too short for negativity, you have to surround yourself with positivity, with people who want everyone to succeed and don't see others doing well as threat to themselves. Believe me, it makes a world of difference.
Sometimes, no matter how much you try to fight it, you just wake up feeling defeated. Feeling as if there is no point to doing anything and all you want to do is sit around and feel sorry for yourself. God knows for the past year and a half that's all I've really done. I've put on a brave face and did my best to act like nothing was wrong, but it has been hard and I've failed more than I've succeeded.
It's taken me a long time to accept that there's nothing wrong with that. That sometimes you just lose. That sometimes life just becomes too much. But at the same time, you can't let it consume you. You can't give in to the thoughts raging in your head and in your soul.
Today was one such day for me. I woke up defeated. I just wanted to stay in bed and do nothing, but that wouldn't serve me. It would undo everything I'm trying to accomplish and future Jonathan would be left holding the bag. So, as hard as it was, I got up today and started to get things done. Maybe I won't be as productive today as I normally would have, but something is better than nothing and I need to stop counting the whole day as a failure if I miss one little checkmark. I just need to put one foot in front of the other and keep doing that until I have what I want. Peace of mind.
Over the lockdown, I let everything fall to the sideline including Blueroof Productions. I used to have respectable numbers on here, now on a good day I have 5 people pop on here. But it's okay, it's my own fault. I just have to come back from the brink. Rebuild everything and start over. I can do it. I believe in myself. It's time to get to work!
Since I've started my journey as a filmmaker, the one thing I would always stress, is that I wasn't a photographer. It's not what I was good at, and honestly I just had no interest in it. But then something happened. I was hired to film something and they wanted me to take pictures at the same time. I was nervous as hell, because again, I'm not a photographer. That's not my wheelhouse, I know nothing about. Except, it turns out I did. Years of framing shots, helped me frame pictures. Who knew?
Now it's one of my favorite pastimes. It's so much fun to set up a shot and take it, capturing the moment forever in time. Toy photography is even better, you get to recreate or create, a scene using some of your favorite characters. It's a chance to play director in a way you would never get the chance in real life without millions of dollars at your disposal.
It helps relax me, helps me find a way to creativity that doesn't stress me out. It's just something fun that I can do for myself. I don't know if it'll do the same thing for you, but it was something that I never tried before. If you are feeling trapped, at a dead end, try something new. Look for a new way to express yourself, you never know what you will find!
The Complete history of Blueroof Productions!