Clerks The Animated Series Season 1 Episode 5: Dante and Randal and Jay and Silent Bob and a Bunch of New Characters and Lando, Take Part in a Whole Bunch of Movie Parodies Including But Not Exclusive to, The Bad News Bears, The Last Starfighter, Indiana
Randal's 10 year high school reunion. Randal and Leonardo Leonardo both decide to pretend that they were suing the government for bad cheese, because you need a story to tell. You can't just tell the truth, it's an unwritten rule. Never mind that Leonardo Leonardo is a billionaire.
While Dante goes to see the baseball team, which he was a manger of, Randal starts to find out that every girl he dated in high school is now a lesbian. He takes pride in this fact.
While Randal is reconnecting with old flames and Leonardo is losing every reward, Dante gets beat up by his baseball team, because they don't remember him. Randal meets a pretty girl who wants to hook up with him. They end up in the closet where Randal finds a copy of the old Pharaoh game. It used to be in the school back in their high school days.
Randal steals the game and Leonardo hires Dante to coach the little league team. Leonardo almost offers Dante a million dollars to coach but he says yes too quickly. It's a damn shame. We've already set up the two major movies they are riffing on, Bad News Bears and one of my favorite movies, The Last Starfighter.
Randal beats the game and is recruited due to being the best at the game. It's right out of the last starfighter, except in that movie he is sent to be a starfighter and save the galaxy. In this episode, Randal is taken to a underground lab where three women offer to do anything he wants, hinting at having some fun, he instead asks for porn. He then finds out that what he was recruited for, was, well, right out of the game. He is to build pyramids.
Back in New Jersey, Dante is living the Bad News Bears life and turning the worst team into a superstar team. Since Jay, despite being a grown man, is still in the fourth grade, he can join the team. Once on the team he turns things around and they start winning every game.
Randal attempts an escape, only to end up in the guard station. They don't see him, he managed to keep out of sight and writes a message in his blood, puts it in a bottle and throws it out the window. We then follow a crazy series of events in which the bottle ends up in New Jersey, just as Dante's team wins. The bottle Randal sent out into the world ends up on the field with Dante and the others, one of the kids tells him their is a note in the bottle and Dante throws it out, ruining Randal's only chance to live.
This is about when The Temple of Doom story line shows up. They are in the finals, but all the kids are missing so Dante goes off in search of the kids. Instead they find Randal and accidently save him, but not before he tries to get Jay to take his place. They find a cult that tears people's hearts out. Forcing them to run for their lives. Dante finds the captured kids, uses his team to fight off the cult and saves their lives!
As they escape Randal goes back for the three women who were ordered to serve him, they are now lesbians. Dante forces the just freed kids to play in the finals, most of them haven't ate or slept in weeks. It's horrible, inhumane and well, it wouldn't be Clerks otherwise. Needless to say, Dante's team wins. The episode ends with Dante once more not being in the victory picture. Things never seem to go his way.
This is easily one of the best episodes of the series. If you haven't seen it, you really should go out and buy the DVD set!
Clerks Season 1 Episode 4: A Dissertation on the American Justice System by People Who Have Never Been Inside a Courtroom, Let Alone Know Anything About the Law, but Have Seen Way Too Many Legal Thrillers
Bloody hell does this show have long ass titles! This episode written by David Mandel, Kevin Smith & Steve Lookner is no exception. Once more we start with live action Jay and Silent Bob throwing us into the episode. Randal heads into the store and talks about how he hired a bouncer to only let 3 people in a day to rent videos. I love Randal. He is one of the greatest characters ever invented.
Randal and Dante argue over who can do whose job better and some how end up doing surgery and messing it up. They run out of the hospital and agree to change jobs for a day. At 7:59 Randal calls Dante to roast that he is doing great opening the store. At 8 he calls back and everything is going to hell. Some guy even says he will burn the store down. Randal asks him to come down to the store.
Dante shows up and Randal shoots at him. Everything is in ruins. Randal is ready for war and Dante has to talk him down. He then cleans up the store and Randal swears him back into running the store. Jay slips and falls on the floor and demands a pack of cigarettes and Randal says no, he even says what are you going to do? Sue us? A lawyer even walks in and Randal tries to get him to take Jay's class and Randal keeps bugging him until he agrees to take Jay's case. It takes him a day and an angry mob to convince the guy. Randal says he wasn't in charge and can't be put in the case. So now Quickstop and Dante are being sued for 10 million dollars. Randal doesn't understand why Dante is mad at him for this. Judge Reinhold, the actor is the judge in this case.
Randal becomes Dante's lawyer, Dante tries to get him tossed off the case and the Judge overrules Dante and lets Randal be the lawyer just because he likes his movies. The jury is made up of all NBA players. They go back to Lando to try and find out how to get the jury to side with them. He says to make them feel like Dante is one of them. Randal went very racist with it. Randal starts questioning Dante about things to embarrass him. He is the worst lawyer who has ever lived. He doesn't even ask him any questions that make sense.
Randal starts questioning Directors and demanding money back. Randal rests the case and they end up in an elevator with the jury who are saying that Dante is guilty. Randal gets a massage from a guy who knows something about the case. He starts talking about JFK and runs off. Randal then calls Silent Bob onto the stand. He gets set down since he won't talk. Dante and Randal both have dreams about the outcome. The judge even has a dream that he gets called away to do Beverly Hills cop 4.
Right before we really find out what happen we get a massage saying that the footage was lost and now it becomes an anime and everything goes crazy. Even having a robot car being driven by a bear. A slave ship run by a rat. Like nothing fit or makes sense in this ending. But it is funny as hell. Dante and Randal take down the rat slaver.
It ends with a next week on Clerks where the Judge works at the store and Jay slips and falls and sues the store starting it all over. So funny! I love this cartoon!!
Clerks Season 1 Episode 3: Leonardo Is Caught in the Grip of an Outbreak of Randal's Imagination and Patrick Swayze Either Does or Doesn't Work in the New Pet Store
Welcome to episode 3 of the cartoon that just keeps on ticking, well only to six. This episode was written by David Mandel & Kevin Smith. After the live action segment the cartoon starts with Kevin Smith's wife writing into Dante and Randal reading questions from the audience. They ignore the lack of women question but adds a black man to the cast. Just so they can fill like they are including people.
Dante gets call to sleep in, unfortunately he is already at work. No matter he goes home to sleep, telling Randal not to leave the box of burritos outside. Randal leaves it out there and Dante tells him he now has to throw them out. The token black guy in this episode walks by and says hi. They couldn't even be bothered to add him into the plot, only on Clerks.
Next to the store a new pet store opens up where Patrick Swayze works as a stable boy. He tries to make it seem like he is working on a movie, but he isn't. He's just a stable boy. Randal wants to kill the monkey before he can cause another outbreak like in the movie. He even tells Dante that this is a tv show something that Dante doesn't believe.
Dante runs out to get Leonardo Leonardo a bandaid while Randal brings the burritos back inside. LL eats one and Randal thinks that LL is infected since he was bite by the monkey. He gets sicker and sicker as Randal once more says hi to the token black guy.
Randal calls the CDC and they lock the stores all down. They aren't allowed to leave. They think that LL is the first infected with the virus. When really he is just sick because he ate the burritos. We also learn that LL's aid is a robot. The mayor of the city is stuck in a hamburger costume and gives a fake press reading because his guards switched out his papers. How the hell did he get elected? Randal and Dante are clean, but the government still thinks they are going to die. They are told they can do anything they want so they go get burgers. Why is that their last wish? If I could do anything I'd do so much more! They then go back to the store and write a letter to the fast food joint complaining.
They go looking for the monkey but Jay and Silent Bob stole him and are teaching him how to smoke. LL feels better and he goes to eat another burrito. Dante figures out what is really making him sick. He blames Randal and it makes Randal think that Dante is a robot as well. He's a fool but a loveable fool.
Randal tells the CDC that they aren't affected by any virus but it is too late. The military is sending a missile to blow up the town. They find a helicopter and call on a man named Lando to fly it, not the token black guy because that will be asking too much. It's a white guy with the same name. SMH
The chief of police is also stuck in a hamburger costume and gets asked questions by a crowd that has Steve-Dave and Fan Boy in it! It's Bryan Johnson and Walt Flannigan!!!! Dante and Randal call the bomber about to blow up their whole town. Randal makes a jokes about Dante being gay. The chopper pilot tells him he won't blow up the town if he admits he is gay. Dante does it and saves the town. It makes the news.
What is with Jay and Silent Bob always hanging out with monkeys? They must love them so much. This episode, Mallrats and Jay and Silent Bob Strike back. All monkeys. those crazy kids.
This was another great episode!
Clerks Season 1 Episode 2: The Clipshow Wherein Dante and Randal are Locked in the Freezer and Remember Some of the Great Moments in Their Lives
Welcome to the second episode of the greatest shortest cartoon ever. This episode was written by David Mandel & Kevin Smith & Paul Dini with an amazing premise. Normally I am not a fan of flashback episodes but the fact that they had the second episode as one was a brilliant idea. I mean what the hell are you flashing back too? A few minutes before? Its ludicrous and works so well.
Like the last time we start off with a live action Jay and Silent Bob introing the episode, Silent Bob is giving a cursing Jay a massage pool side at a mansion they are saying is their own. Damn lies I tell you, lies.
Once the episode starts instead of a previously on we have a next week on Clerks. The cops call Dante and tell him that the store was robbed. It turns out that they just didn't clean the store when they left. Lazy bums. Randal shows up late, as always as Dante is hiring someone to lock the back room so that no one can break in. Dante goes inside to test the room but Randal goes in with him, because he is an idiot sometimes. Randal points out that if they were a sitcom, they are a cartoon so close enough, that they would start flashing back to old episodes.
Almost at once they flashback twice to the first episode. Dante points out they were both the same time and Randal keeps flashing back to that time. Dante tries to suggest another flashback from when they first met but Randal still goes back to the first episode.
Finally we get the lamest flashback ever of them being introduced. Dante then asks if Randal had a lemonade stand, it turns out that they did meet as kids but Randal was too distracted by porn to notice. Now the show starts to make new flashbacks to fill out the episode. They are all crazy and far fetched.
Out of nowhere Jay and Silent Bob show up in the back room and get locked in with them. Randal starts worrying about running out of air almost at once. I love how Jay calls a door a metal thing with a knob. He's such a dumbass. And why the hell does the show keep flashing back to the same scene from episode one where Randal and Dante are climbing up the building batman style.
We find out that Caitlin Bree use to cheat on Dante even more than we thought. And always with some random painter. Randal once tried to order a mail order bride and became the bride himself. Funny beyond words. Something like that could only happen to Randal. It's scenes like this that makes me love this show so much. Kevin Smith's humor is the definition of funny.
Silent Bob breaks them out of the freezer and grants them freedom. Before Randal and Dante could get out of the store they break the key off in the lock and get locked into the store where the A/C breaks, making the whole store much like a freezer. Talk about Irony.
While locked in the store they flashback to all the other countries they visited and how each one was worse than the last. Turns out Randal and Dante were both on the Real World TV show. Randal gets bored with his own life and starts flashing back to Happy Days episodes.
I love this ridiculous show so much. It ends with them talking to their friends about what happens before they get locked into an outdoor pin that they could easily escape. In order to get out of it they end up locked in another Burn ward. These guys have horrible luck.
Far in the future Jay writes it all down much like in Stand By Me. It's a really funny moment. This show just gets better and better as it goes on. Why on Earth did it end?
I remember when I was in middle school and everyone in class had to give a report on a hero. A friend of mine did his on Kevin Smith, the guy who made Clerks. Never saw it never cared, but even back then way before I wanted to make movies I was impressed with how some guy who worked at a grocery store made a movie and made it big on his own. Something that I am trying so hard to do now. I sound have looked up to him back then, what can i say I had a late start.
So the cartoon based off of Clerks is an amazing show. Too bad that it had such a short life. But for a cartoon with such a short life it has such long titles. Like what the hell is up with these long ass titles?
I love that each episode starts off with a live action Jay and Silent Bob introducing each episode. It's a fun way to get into the episodes. We then jump to the voice overs that mocks itself. It feels very Kevin Smith in the way that it tears itself down.
The first episode has a previously on, what show does that? It's the first damn episode, nothing came before that. It makes me laugh every time. Once the real episode starts we see Randall messing with a guy to the point of him fleeing out of the store crying. Oh Randall.
The episode is written by the man himself, Mr. Kevin Smith along with David Mandel. It pays tribute to the movie right away, Dante wakes up in his room and is called into work on his day off. He then gets everything ready for the day and is attacked by fireworks. Since it is a cartoon Jay and Silent Bob couldn't sell weed so instead they sell fireworks. It's a bit weird and takes a bit to get use to. All of five seconds before you find yourself laughing at how stupid Jay is.
I love how they got everyone back to do the voices of their characters. It really helps pull you back into the world that we all know and love. A world that we all want to get back into, Kevin, if you are out there, please hurry with Clerks 3. I'm dying to see it.
Leonardo Leonardo returns to Jersey and opens up a far better quick stop across the street. It threatens to put the boys out of a job. They can't have that. Where will they hang out? Dante and Randall break into the Quicker Stop and then tell the plans to the city council. He has plans on top of plans. About 64 of them. No one stays to listen and no one cares about Leonardo Leonardo's plans.
Dante and Randall catch Leonardo Leonardo but it doesn't stop him. He won't close his store, lucky for us Jay and Silent Bob accidentally blow it up with their fire works.
After the episode is over we get treated to safety tips by Jay and Silent Bob. Silent Bob speaks but they act like he doesn't. It's a weird ending but I like it. I love this show,