Raul let out a groan as he silenced his alarm for the second time. Ever since he could remember he gave himself one snooze to brace himself for the coming day. A task that seemed to get harder and harder as the years went on, which he always just chalked up to age.
With a heavy heart he pulled himself out of bed and started his morning ritual. Brushing his teeth, a quick shower and psyching himself up for the day ahead. He had a work evaluation today, something he always dreaded, despite the fact that he never really seemed to remember them much afterwards. They were always over so quickly. You just pop into HR, answer a few questions, listen to their critiques, which never seemed that bad, and you were back to work. The problem wasn’t so much the evaluation as it was the aftereffect. No matter how glowing the report was, he always felt so drained afterwards. As if the air had been sucked out of the room. He just hated the confrontation, the stress of hearing what he may have been doing wrong. For a moment he stopped himself. He couldn’t help but wonder when he became so stress adverse. He used to love being challenged. He honestly believed criticism was vital to growing and become better. Whenever someone would doubt him, he would just use that for fuel. Let that drive him to be better, to prove them wrong. When did that change? Once again, he chalked it up to age and started on his way. He drove to work in silence, his mind racing with all the tasks he had to get done before the day was out. For a moment he thought about turning on the radio, listening to some music. An attempt to get out of his head for a few minutes before he made it into the office, but the truth was, there just wasn’t time. He had too much to do, too much responsibility to waste his day away on silly nonsense. There was work to be done, and he wasn’t a child anymore. To be honest, he couldn’t remember the last time he did something fun. It had been at least three years since he used any of his vacation or sick days. Maybe he should take some time off when his current project was finished? “Hello, Mr. Rodriguez.” Maria the receptionist greeting him, as she always did. He gave her a curt smile and kept walking. Making a mental note to try and find sometime to talk to her when he had a chance. He had always found her attractive, and it had been years since he had dated anyone. Maybe it was time to get back out there? He always wanted a family, and he wasn’t getting any younger. His office on the second floor wasn’t what you would call impressive, but it made do. He had an old oak desk and a chair that you could sit comfortably in for hours on end. What else did you need? There was a stack of paperwork waiting for him as he sat down. He let out a small sigh before he set about the day’s tasks. It was a little after two when he was finally called into his evaluation. He did the best he could to brace himself for the worst. Not that he had any reason to expect anything to go wrong. He was a model employee, he arrived to work early and stayed late every day. He always doubled and tripled checked each and every report he handed in. The truth was, this job, this career, was his life. He didn’t really have anything going on outside of it. Raul was forced to stop and brace himself against the wall as a sudden dizzy spell came over him. He got them from time to time, usually right before an evaluation. He supposed it was his nerves getting the best of him. He attempted to catch his breath before going on his way, but he found that to be a near impossible task. Questions started flowing through his mind. What was he doing here? How was this his life? He took a job here the summer he graduated college to save up for a car and he had never left. He had such dreams. He was going to be an actor. Driving out to California and becoming the next Tom Cruse or something. He swore that he would never waste his life away in corporate America. Doing the same competitive task day in and day out. That was his father’s life, not his. It wasn’t what he wanted. So why was he still here? Why had he allowed himself to drift away from his friends, from his dreams as he chased the almighty dollar. This life had afforded him some luxuries, this is true. He had a nice house and a fancy car, but no one to share it with. His bank had more money in it than he really needed, but he couldn’t remember the last time he did anything for himself. His whole life was wrapped up in this job and this company. This wasn’t who he wanted to be. He needed to get out of here. He needed to find himself again. Before his whole life was gone. Wasted doing paperwork and inconsequential tasks that had no real value to society. “Mr. Rodriguez, Raul, are you okay?” Maria asked from behind him. Her voice was so gentle, so caring. He turned around to face her, the dizziness starting to dissipate. “I’m fine Maria, I just. . .I think. . I need to sit down.” He told her as he attempted to stand upright and almost immediately fell back against the wall, the dizziness back with a vengeance. “I got you.” Maria said as she put his arm over her shoulders and started to help him down the hall. “Thank you, if. . .if you could just help me back to my office.” Raul said, closing his eyes as she led him down the hall. The more he thought about the last few years the more nauseous he started to feel. “Something’s wrong.” “You’ll be okay, Raul. Don’t worry. Everything is going to be okay.” She told him, her voice thick with concern. He just nodded his head and held on tight. Afraid that if he let go of her, even for a second he would fall over. As they walked, more and more thoughts started to surface. Memories of all the things he had given up to work here. It was the little things in life that held real value, hanging out with friends. Watching stupid tv shows. Reading a good book. The touch of a woman. All of which he had tossed aside to climb the corporate ladder. It wasn’t a good trade off. “I think. . . I think I’m done.” Raul forced himself to say. The words hurt coming out, as if it was causing him physical pain. And yet, the second the words were out of his mouth he found himself starting to feel better. A weight lifted off his shoulders. The nausea and dizziness were gone, replaced with a sense of urgency. He needed to get out of this building, out of this life and he needed to do it now. “Here we go.” Maria said, helping Raul to the door. He slowly opened his eyes, expecting to see his office, instead he found himself standing in front of HR. His evaluator standing in front of him. “Everything’s going to be okay Raul. Trust me.” She said with a smile. It wasn’t a kind smile. It didn’t speak of good intentions, of joy and happiness. Of good will. It was a dagger to the heart. She didn’t care about him, she cared about the company. The bottom line. That’s all this company was. A machine to make the bottom line, the profits, bigger. No matter who it ate up, who it destroyed. “I don’t want to be here.” Raul said, pulling his arm off of Maria and standing on his own two feet. Feeling confident in himself and his desires for the first time in what felt like years. “I’m leaving. Now!” “What about your evaluation, Mr. Rodriguez?” The evaluator asked, his voice even. “You have to have your evaluation, Raul.” Maria said. “It’s important. For the company, and for you.” Raul shook his head and started to back away. His heart pounding in his chest. He was terrified. Nothing good was on the other side of that door. He needed to get out of there and he needed to do it fast. “I quit.” He said, just before he turned around, preparing to run out of the building never to return. But before he could make his escape two large men grabbed him under the arms and started dragging him towards the HR door. “Stop! What are you doing? Let me go!” “Not until you finish your evaluation, Mr. Rodriguez.” The evaluator said, a stern look on his face. Maria gave him a warm smile, that never seemed to make it to her eyes. Raul fought as hard as he could to escape his fate, but there was nothing he could do. The men forced him into the HR office, as the evaluator turned and followed them. It was a good two hours before the HR door opened again and Raul walked out, feeling exhausted, but also ready for work. After all, he had a lot that he needed to finish before the day was done. “How are you feeling Raul?” Maria asked, a slight look of concern on her face. “Fine, but if you’ll excuse me, I have a lot of work to get done. As I’m sure you do as well.” With that he turned and headed back to his office. He couldn’t help but think that she was pretty, if only she wasn’t so lazy. After all, who had time to sit around and chitchat while there was work to be done?
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AuthorJonathan Gutheinz writes for fun on his off time. Maybe you'll enjoy it. Archives
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