So what's this? For once instead of being super late with my daily morning blog I'm being super early! Can it be that I'm getting more responsible? No. Don't expect a 3 in the morning post again anytime soon. Today is a weird turn of events.
I had an episode of my original podcast, Wolfcast, called Anya. It was the last episode and it was super short and just me talking. It served no point and was really just a vlog I made for youtube so I deleted it. It didn't need to be on there. It got me thinking about all the podcasts I've done over the years and I started looking back over them. I saw three that hit me. The first was from Blueroof casting. http://www.blueroofproductions.com/blueroofcasting/blueroofcasting-10-its-all-about-the-benjamins the next was a two parter starting in It's Not my Fault and ending in Wolfcast. http://www.blueroofproductions.com/its-not-my-fault/its-not-my-fault-6-its-corn-nuts-part-1 http://www.blueroofproductions.com/wolfcast/wolfcast-10-the-haunting-of-sauls-apartment-part-2 These three pods are amazing and if you haven't heard them you should. They have a guest by the name of Steve Brown and he is one of the most interesting people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in my life. He took me in and treated me like family. For the first time in Texas he made the place I was staying at feel like a home. Me and my mom loved him and his family. Seeing these pods got me thinking that I should call him and do some more episodes with him. After all he really wanted to. As did I. Believe me I did. He called and would ask about the numbers, keep in mind this was before I knew how to figure all of that out. So I would make stuff up and try and change the subject. He would then ask when we were going to do some more. I told him I would get back to him. I didn't have a lot of free time what with school and work. It was the best buy years and those were dark dark times. I kept making mental notes to myself to call him back but then I started hanging out with this girl I worked with named Tayler. I fell for her hard and started spending all of my time with her. I even did two pods with her. One Blueroofcasting and one It's Not My Fault. http://www.blueroofproductions.com/blueroofcasting/blueroofcasting-14-james-vs-severus http://www.blueroofproductions.com/its-not-my-fault/its-not-my-fault-11-darrell-meets-esau Meeting her was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. She used up all of my free time and never cared about me. Not really. She just used me for money, rides and well you know. To top it off she stole all my Buffy, Angel and Tru Calling DVDs. Then one day she just stopped talking to me. Never told me why, well a month later I got an facebook message from her telling me all these lies. She was evil. And I was stupid. That was the dark times of my life. It caused conflict between me and my best friend Ashley. If you listen to It's not my fault or Clean Jeans or Sunnydale Live you know who she is. I think my relationship with her also caused tension between me and my ex Erica, aka Miz. Ink. You can see her all over my youtube ch. and the podcast Miz. Ink and the Cracker. Now me and Ashley and me and Erica both fixed things up and got back to being in a good place, but that fight also caused a rift between me and Darrell. Also from my old youtube videos as well as early episodes of Blueroofcasting and It's Not My Fault. The guy was like a brother to me and we don't even talk now. I try to reach out to him but he can't be bothered. I wish I never met her. But the truth is it isn't her fault. I knew she didn't care about me and I let myself think she did. I lied to myself because I liked her. It cost me some really important relationships. It ended right before I left Best Buy. Greatest thing I ever did! Never work there! I spent a month or two in a funk before I started to pick myself up and started working on other peoples projects for the rest of the year. It was a great year and I learned a lot and met a lot of cool people. Going into this year I started to work on my own. Over on my Youtube ch you can see some shorts I made this year https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCA9Ws04n3fvC6PONW9VynCw and I'm now working on my first film. Not to mention that I now do four weekly podcasts. I'm working on a few different comic books and a radio play. I'm doing everything I can to build Blueroof Productions up and it's starting to work. So since I'm working so hard on it, every once in a while I go over the old podcasts to see what needs work for the future and I started listening to the ones with Steve Brown on them. Now I can't sleep. I feel so guilty. The last conversation I had with him he was so excited to do another episode and I told him I would get back to him. It's now almost two years later. My whatsapp shows that his phone number belongs to someone else. I'm going to call it anyways on Sunday but I think I missed my chance. I remember the apartments he lives in but not the apartment itself. I can't believe I let so much time pass by. That I could be so selfish and inconsiderate of those around me. All he ever did was try to build me up and help me and I took him for granted. That's why the blog that I now have been writing for over a half hour is being written this early. I just can't sleep. I'm a horrible person. I hope that he is ok. He was an older man with some health problems and the greatest stories you will ever hear. Those stories should be preserved. I remember he wanted to co-write a book with me about his life. That would have been an honor. One I might not be able to take part in anymore. I hope he is out there doing well and I hope he got to write his book. He is one of the nicest people I have ever met. Cheers Mr. Steve Brown!
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Jonathan and Ashley interview Rashaana in the never before heard second half to episode 37.
So tomorrow is the big day. It's the first day of production on Trapped in the woods. I can't tell you how excited I am. I've been trying to make this movie on and off for years. I mean years! It was 3 maybe 4 years ago when I had a cast and crew ready to shoot. We had a read through and everything.
So what happened? One of my actors got his girlfriend pregnant and he bowed out. Another actor got his girlfriend pregnant and he bowed out. There was also the problem of me dragging my feet. I think apart of me was scared that the script wasn't good enough so I took my time letting other people read it. Truth be told after rereading that version I don't blame myself. My current version is leaps and bounds better than that one. So after it fell apart I took a break and didn't think about it again for a long time. This summer I set aside for Keep Austin Weird but due to my work on my friends movie I didn't have time to do it. I still wanted to make a movie this summer. I figure I'm 26 and know more now than I did when I was younger, now is the time. So I dusted off Trapped in the woods which I forgot was originally named Camp Death. haha what the hell? I did a new draft and started to get cast and crew together. I cut the characters in half and I figured that would make it easier. Since starting I've lost 2 actresses and 3 actors. # actors for the same role. The character of Lex has been a throne in my side all through Pre-Productions. Like what the hell? So we finally get to tomorrow. It's a simple scene with just the girls and one of them got called into work last minute. So we either reschedule which would mess everything up or we go on and cheat it. I've mapped everything out to a t so we can still make it work. But I also know that what works on paper doesn't always work in practice. Let's just hope it does. Wish us luck Blueroof Nation! So I overslept today. Last night I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing full speed thinking about everything I need to get done today. For some reason I feel like if I'm not creating a million things a second than I'm just wasting my time and should stop doing everything. It's a sickness.
I know I need to stop beating myself up and over working myself. For the first time since I started Blueroof Productions it's starting to grow the way I always wanted it to. So what do I do? I work harder and add to my list of tasks, till it is impossible to do everything. Than I do everything and feel drained. I can't help but ask myself why I do all of this and the only answer I can come up with is that I love to be stressed. If I'm not working towards something I feel like I'm wasting not only time but my life. I need to be creating all the time to the point where I feel physically stressed out in order to feel relaxed and happy. So last night I was hit with an interesting dilemma. I've been working at building Blueroof Productions for over a year now full time. Before that I would work on it in my spare time. And in this past year we have grown by leaps and bounds. The one thing we haven't been able to do yet is monetize the company. The best way to do that would be advertising. So a few weeks ago I reached out to Google AdSense. The number one place to go to ad ads to your website. They told me that I didn't have enough text on here to get a pass. Now keep in mind that while I do a daily blog and once in a while a review for a movie, this website is for my production company. We make things. Movies, short films, skits, podcasts, short stories and soon comic books. There is a lot for people to do on here, it just doesn't happen to be text related.
So not wanted to be discouraged I started going out to other online ad agencies. It is amazing how different the rest are to Google AdSense. AdSense would put ads to stuff my visitors would like, such as www.mycomicshop.com where as these other ad sites would put ads sending people to sites that Norton warns stay away stay away! All the sudden you couldn't click on a page without pop ups. If that is the only way to make money using ads than it isn't worth it. We'll just do it the long way. We will continue to build and build until we have a large enough audience to get ads directly from companies we want to promote. Old School like. If any of you guys know an ad site that using discreet ads like AdSense please let me know. Thank you! The gang talks all about the episode that started it all!
So for those of you following along on the story of Blueroof Productions, you know that we have been growing a lot lately. As I mentioned last week we have started to get fans. And not just fans but vocal fans. Fans who talk about us and build us. Make us feel like we are special, like we are apart of something. It's something that is hard to put into words. Something that feels you with a high that is impossible to replicate.
Well what goes up must come down. Isn't that how the saying goes? When you get fans you must also get haters and trolls. Thus far in my career the only people telling me that I suck and can't do anything right were teachers. Go figure. Well yesterday you can add an old co-worker and somewhat friend by the name of Jason Koan to that list. He has always been a bitter guy who likes to tear others down whenever he can. That's just his nature. So yesterday he wrote on the link to our newest podcast that no one listens to our podcast. Any of them and that we are just wasting our time here at Blueroof Productions. Which we know isn't true. We have fans who quote at us lines from the podcast. If that isn't proof that people are listening than I don't know what is. But I would be lying if it didn't get to me. I think part of me has always been afraid that I'm sending all of this out into the void and no one notices or cares at all the hard work we do here. Even now when I have random strangers telling me that isn't true. Showing me it isn't true those words still got to me. Still hit a cord. I guess what I'm trying to say is that whenever you start making something from nothing and start to do good for yourself people will start to hate you. They will try to bring you down and take away any of the pride in your work that you have earned. They hate for no other reason than that they can't do what you are doing. They either don't have the talent or the drive. And it kills them that you do. Almost as if you working towards your goals is keeping them from doing the same. These people are trolls. Ugly little monsters that you can't fight with. You can't argue with. The best thing to do would be to cut them out of your life and move on. Because at the end of the day them hating you is them hating themselves. And when you are building your empire you don't need negative people bringing you low. To all of our supports out there, I love you. Thank you all so much. To all of our haters out there, I'm sorry you feel so hollow inside that you have to lash out. Listen in as The Uncanny Fans embark on a new podcasting venture. This week they watch Return of the Living Dead
So Astonishing Flashbacks is up and running!!! Be sure and give it a listen! I'm beyond excited for this podcast. Just watching and making fun of old movies, what could be more fun for film makers? Hopefully none of my films ever make the list.
So this coming up Friday is the first day of filming for Trapped in the woods. It is very exciting but a bit nerve racking as well. I already recorded a few lines of dialogue, you'll understand when you see the movie. Next week is one of the opening scenes where we meet the girls. I'm not too worried because two of the actors are my best friends and they can bring it. The third actress is an old friend of mine and this will be her first role. But I have faith she will be amazing as well! |
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