Making something from nothing is never easy. It's an uphill fight that takes everything you got just to keep moving forward but you don't do it to make it big or because it's easy. You do it because you can't not do it. There's something inside you that pushes you to do it that you can't turn off. A drive that only grows stronger with every passing day. Until it consumes you. The passion in your soul won't die or be turned down. It demands to been heard no matter the cost and that is why we do what we do. Because being artists is a part of who we are.
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Nothing in this world is ever harder than relying on other people for help. Sometimes you can't do everything alone and you need other people there to help carry the weight. Sometimes they know the people with access to the locations, sometimes you can't 57 characters and need people to play the parts. Whatever it is that you need other people for, its always so hard to give up that control. What's even harder is the waiting for them to do it, or watching them fail. The whole time you just keep thinking, I could do it better. It takes almost more will power than you have to stand back and let others work. It just might be the worst part about being in charge.
At the age of 26 I've started to think a lot about my life. Where I come from and how I got to where I am today. It's been a hell of a journey. I never had a father, never really knew him until this year. It was a truly weird and different experience than what I thought it would be. But not in a bad way.
That being said, I didn't lack for a male role model. I had my grandfather, a proud military man. When I was young he taught me a lot of important lessons I still use today. The most important of which is what it means to be a man. He use to tell me, that the only thing in this world you have of value is word. So your word needs to be your bond. If you say you're going to do something than you do it. No exceptions. The thought being, if you break your word, even on something small and meaningless than why should I trust you to keep your word on something important? I can't. You've given me no reason too. Believe me I know how hard it is to honor your commitments. Sometimes you say you will do something and it turns into something else, and you want out, either it's too tough or not as fun as you thought. It becomes harder and harder to follow through with. Well, life is tough. Whoever said being a man was easy? We live in weird times. For the first time in history we are encouraged to chase are dreams. Told that the sky is the limit and we can do anything we want. Gone are the days when people told us no, you can't do that! It's both a blessing and a curse. It has made people entitled. Too many people feel they should just be given everything they want without having to work for it, without having to struggle. They believe that only their dreams have value and so it is ok to mess other people over if it gives them a boost on their way to the top. They don't think twice about throwing even their good friends under the bus on their rise to the top because hey, they have an opportunity and they mean to take it. That doesn't make you brave, that doesn't make you heroic, that doesn't make you a man. It makes you a spineless coward. I'm a big believer that you should chase every opportunity that comes your way and let nothing get in your way. I can't tell you the number of times I called into work for the chance to make it, but doing that to your friends? To the people who are trying to help you make it? That isn't cool. That isn't acceptable. Turning your back on people who trust you just to get a chance to do better for yourself is the sign of somebody who never grew up. Never learned what it means to be a man. What it means to have honor, to have integrity. These people can't ever be trusted because all you are to them is a stepping stone. An object they can use to climb to the top. I guess the most important thing I've learned in my life is to not agree to something unless you plan to go through with it. Otherwise you have nothing of value to offer people. And no right to expect their respect or cooperation. It's a dog eat dog world out there and there is no reason to side with people who only think about themselves and don't ever put the community first. The older I get the more I find that the hardest part of anything is starting. Taking that first step always feels like an impossible task. The thought that your life will be consumed by whatever it is for however long it takes is not only scary, it's terrifying. Avoiding the first word on a paper, or the first rehearsal becomes an art form as you come up with more and more creative ways to avoid it, and not just avoid it but justify avoiding it. If I directed just a portion of the energy I put into avoiding work into my work I could probably be a millionaire. So how do we fix this? How you avoid procrastination and become a more productive worker? Well that my friend is a million dollar question with no answer in sight. I guess the only thing you can do is force yourself to sit down and do it. no matter how much you fight against it don't give in and keep moving forward. And hopefully, one day you just might get there. Maybe.
For the first time in my writing life I think my script is going to come out too short. I almost always overwrite but this time I was so focused on keeping it lean that I'm almost 10 pages shy of where I thought I was going to land. Is it good or bad? I'm not sure yet. This film is supposed to be my first feature, hopefully it's still long enough to be a feature and not just a short. I'm proud that I managed to make it this short, the first two drafts were over 140 pages so coming in around 85 is a hell of a trim. I should finish up this draft today and then go through once more before starting on pre-productions. Trapped in the Woods is finally coming together.
Why is getting healthy so hard? I recently decided to try and get in better shape and part of that was changing my diet. Everyone who knows me knows that I'm in love with Dr. Pepper. After all it makes the world a better place. But in order for me to get in shape and live a healthier life I have to swap Dr. Pepper out for water. I've cut my consumption of soda down to just two glasses a day, which for people who have gone out with me to dinner know is only a five second job for me. I down Dr. Pepper like its oxygen.
The hardest part of being a film maker is having a vision and bringing it to life when the people around you don't understand. I always thought that film school would help me make my visions a reality and yet it seems the longer that I am in film school the less confident I become. They go out of their way to put in little square boxes that fit what they want and if you dare to step out of it they crush you. They have no problems ridiculing you in front of the other students. The thing that amazes me the most is they go out of their way not to help you but still want full credit on all of your projects. They tear you down but then ask "you're going to rep the school in this film fest right?" I always knew that Hollywood is full of greedy people who don't care about art and just want to make a quick buck but I'm truly saddened to learn that film school is the same way. They don't see films as works of art, they see it as work. It's something that you do to pay your bills and nothing more. I have to wonder why I pay
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AuthorJonathan Gutheinz vents about everything under the sun. Archives
August 2022
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