Blueroof Productions
  • Home
  • Blueroof Studios
  • The Uncanny Fans
  • Writings
  • Podcasts
  • Photography
  • Message boards
  • Collaborations
  • Archives
  • Home
  • Blueroof Studios
  • The Uncanny Fans
  • Writings
  • Podcasts
  • Photography
  • Message boards
  • Collaborations
  • Archives
Search

gutheinzblog

Panic, Panic everywhere

5/22/2020

0 Comments

 
Panic. A feeling that seeks to overwhelm me day in and day out. No matter what I do it comes for me. Distractions are meaningless. They do nothing to move me away from this despair. Nothing seems to help. It is truly a living nightmare. How do I escape this shadowy phantom that haunts my every waking moment. The phantom that has dragged me down and left me hallowed out. That turned my 4 hours of sleep into 9 or 10? Will I ever be free. 

God I hope so. I have dreams that I need to fulfill. I have goals that I have yet to meet. My tasks are not yet done. Many have yet to even start. I need to grit my teeth and pull myself out of this hole. No matter how hard it is, for that is what life is all about. Fighting against everything that stands in your way and making the life that you want out of sheer force of will.

Or at least that is what I tell myself. Am I right? Am I wrong? Who the hell knows, only time will tell. 
0 Comments

FeelingĀ  Lost

5/18/2020

0 Comments

 
This time in isolation has not been kind to me. It's not the first time I've been kept apart from the rest of the world. When I first moved to Texas and dropped out of high school to be home schooled, I was in complete isolation. No friends, no one to talk to other than my family. It was lonely on a scale that you could never hope to understand. 

And yet, so much of who I am today was formed in that time. My interests, the stories I'm still telling to this day. My sense of independence. I was better for that time alone. Much better. 

The truth can't be said for this time. I'm losing my mind. Slowly going crazy as I waste away in the house. Spending more time thinking about what I want from life than going for it. I'm not as isolated as I was back then. I have friends that I talk to daily. Even see from time to time. So why is this time so much worse? If I had an answer to that, maybe I wouldn't be so lost right now. 

I guess the only thing I can do, any of us can do, is take it day by day. Try to make today better than yesterday. Make tomorrow better than today. It's not much, but it's all we have. So make the most of it, that's what I'm going to attempt to do. 

Will I succeed? Who knows, only tomorrow can tell. 
0 Comments

    Author

    Jonathan Gutheinz vents about everything under the sun.

    Archives

    January 2023
    August 2022
    April 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    June 2021
    April 2021
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    January 2020
    July 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    October 2017
    July 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    September 2014
    August 2014
    May 2014
    October 2012
    August 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Blueroof Productions
  • Home
  • Blueroof Studios
  • The Uncanny Fans
  • Writings
  • Podcasts
  • Photography
  • Message boards
  • Collaborations
  • Archives