So today has gotten away from me more than a bit. I had planned to start the new news section of Blueroof Productions but instead I have really done nothing today. This can not stand. What is the news section you ask? Oh I'm so glad that you did. I was really fishing for someone to ask, I don't know if you noticed that or not. Oh you did? Damn, here I thought I was slick. Guess not.
Anyways, I was thinking about what else I wanted to do with Blueroof productions and I noticed I don't review movies nearly as much as I should. I need to fix that, and while I'm at it lets review TV shows too. Basically, anything that I like and am a fan of, I will not write a blog about it. On it's very own page because . . . why not?
I know, I know, I'm doing way too much, but eh what the hell. We only live once and we should try and get the most out of it we can. Anything you want to do, go do. If you fail you fail but at least you tried your best. That is all anyone can really ask of you.
I can't believe that this blog has been going on and off for 4 years now. It's too bad that I haven't been more constant. I'm trying to build a future for myself, turn Blueroof Productions into a company that we as a nation can be proud of.
I've come to understand that no one will help you get to where you want to be. You have to work hard and not let anyone or anything get in the way of what you want. You have to knuckle down and work hard. Life is full of distractions. It will do anything and everything it can to block you out. You notice when you start working on your goals that a lot of friends will start to bail on you, start to take you for granted.
When this happens, you have two options. You can either let it get to you. Let it break your spirit, much the way losing a subscriber on Youtube did for me yesterday. Somehow I got them back today and it more or less made up for it.
I guess it just comes down to what means more to you. Your dreams or the people who say they are your friends.
So today or well yesterday did not go as planned. I mean when if you haven't gone to sleep yet does it can't as a new day? These are the important questions that one must ask themselves when writing a blog late at night because you are a bit annoyed.
So the plan was to record the three parts of Uncanny Fans; The Hidden Pages, The 4th Wall and Jon's Corner. We kind of recorded the 4th wall. It wasn't as good as it could have been but it is funny and on a comedy podcast isn't that what is most important? Now we don't have a Hidden Pages or Jon's corner and I am faced with a choice. Do I accept defeat or just do a one man show this week? Part of me thinks that a one man show would be best, that way i don't miss an episode.
SO yesterday went pretty good. We finished all but three scenes of our short film for class. We ran a little late and some complaints about that which are fair. It's really becoming clear to me that I have a problem getting other people to follow my schedules. It seems that everything and the kitchen sink get in the way, pushing my schedules back by a few hours. It gets really stressful and it something that I need to learn to control better.
It's hard to get other people to do what you need them to do when you aren't paying them. I guess it is all about motivation and there is something that I can't seem to do to the level that I need to. It's also hard when you are juggling so many people's schedules and they change things on you last minute. I am not a producer. I don't have that bone and it's really starting to show. It's starting to cost me people.
Why oh why is waking up so hard? I finally woke up at 8 when I'm supposed to start writing and yet I fell back to sleep till 10:30. Why do I keep letting this happen? Where the hell did my will power run off to? Now I have to stuff food down my gut and run off to a class that I'm about to drop. What is even the point of going anymore if I know I'm dropping it?
The goal was to stay in the class till after we finish our group project but every time I email my teammates they don't really get back to me with everything, the last thing I want to do is show up and make an ass out of myself. Every part of me just wants to stay home and write, edit and create. I have so many things that I'm dying to start on and going to class is just a distraction from my real goals. I just don't have the time any more.
When creating an empire do you really have the time for trivial things anymore? I mean I'm not talking about dropping out of school all together, just no longer taking classes that don't move me towards my dreams because anything that isn't moving me closer and closer to my end game serves no purpose.
So I hit my first hurdle last night while recording a video for today. On the schedule Monday's are supposed to be an episode of the 4th wall and a random video. The random video was an effect video but after effects keeps crashing on my laptop so that video has to go in the bank at least for now.
Now when I started doing these videos more on a schedule I was banking on the views dropping down to 4-5 views a video. Now they did drop that amount at first but now they are about 1 or 2 views a video. I'm banking on the audience growing like it did when I tried my hand mat YouTube the first time but we will see.
So transforming the Blueroof Productions Youtube page into more of a network and less of a personal channel has been so much fun. I've just been making videos that I want to make and it has been making me feel more alive than I have in a long time. I'm really starting to think that you should just do what makes you happy even if it doesn't make any sense.
It's almost like I just got a second wind for life and I can't tell you how uplifting it is. Go out and do what makes you happy because life is so short and that is all you can do. Now I talked to my acting teacher about dropping the class and she is trying to talk me into staying in it. I'm not sure which way I should go. Part of me wants to stay in the class, it is so much fun and I am starting to learn how much I let fear run my life but at the same time I find that I have no time to get work done. It takes so much time out of my day and I'd much rather stay home and work on my projects. School is important, it is, but maybe for me it isn't the best use of my time. Building my company is much more important. It's the only thing I can do to keep make myself feel alive again. Feel like myself again.
So I was hanging out with Ashley, recording Clean Jeans and we decided to watch 11.22.63, which if you remember I spent a day on set an extra not that long ago. I made a joke about watch I'm on this episode and it turns out I was right. Now I was just a blurry mess, that you could hardly see but it was still beyond exciting. I couldn't believe that even as nothing more than a blurry guy in the background for like 15 seconds, I still made it. It made my day.
As little an accomplishment as that was, it still made me so excited. I couldn't believe I was on there. It cheered me up and made me feel like maybe I was on the right path for once. Like maybe I'm doing things right and I'm not as far from my goals as I've been thinking I am lately.
It was a recharge that I didn't even know I needed but I guess I really did. It feels like maybe that was the start of turning this year around. Let's hope it starts a new more positive start for me. These last couple of years have been hard and it has gotten to the point where I don't even want to get out of bed anymore, but I force myself too. The way I see it, is just because I'm down in the dumps right now doesn't mean I will be for long. And when I come out of this I don't want to look back at all the time wasted being sad.
I'm not saying it is easy but I feel it's something worth it. Every day I work hard to over come my despair and go out and create because truth be told it is the only thing that makes me happy. Writing, being on set, editing. All this stuff I love but slowly I feel like it has been taken away from me. Either by exes who told me that I have nothing to say as a writer or by school that tells me time and again that story doesn't matter. A million technical stuff is far more important. Or by my classmates who when talking have the same wants as me but when it comes to putting in the work they can't be bothered. All of it is has stripped me of wanting to do anything, because what is the point?
On top of that all the bullshit that comes with school. Homework that doesn't do anything for me. It's just busy work that teachers give to feel like they are teaching. What am I learning from researching dead actors? OK, to be truthful I research writers, directors, actors all the time. But ones that I like. Ones that speak to me. I'm starting to think that school is not for me. It doesn't help me, it just gets in the way of me doing the things that I want to do. Things that I need to get done.
The video club is no help. Last semester when I became president I was happy. I wanted to turn the club into something great, something that I could be proud of. Something that could help other filmmakers like myself. No one cared. The more I tried to get the club to do things, tried to get the club to take part in people's learning the less people showed up. Some how people cared more about coming to a meeting and talking about making money for the club than trying to create something that we could be proud of. They didn't want to do any real work. It crushed my spirit. It really did. Now the video club is nothing but fundraisers and it depresses me. It had so much potential and this is what it becomes?
They expect me to do so much for the club and the truth of the matter is I just don't want to. Where were they when I asked them to help me turn the club into something? They ran and hid. Not a one of them did what they said they would. Not a one of them helped out and now they expect me to? Now when I say to hell with it they expect me to spend my time helping them turn the club back into a soulless excuse of a club where all we do is talk about the teachers talking point. How is this the students club if it's just about the teachers and program? Oh, because the students don't care. They want everything handed to them and don't want to work for it.
Nothing in life comes without hard work. If you want to do anything you have to bleed for it. You have to knock yourself out to make it happen. You have to bleed for your art, to suffer. To move Heaven and Earth to get where you want to go otherwise you never will. That's the truth. That's something I had to learn the hard way and I'm done pretending to care about playing by the rules. Seeing myself on the show gave me a taste of what I want to do with my life. iiSuperwomanii's doc gave me the motivation to get off my ass and work.
I went back to North Lake so that I could meet people who would help me get closer to my dreams. People who could help me become the filmmaker that I know I can be and the truth is I have met them. Larry Stanley and Davis Trent have taught me so much. They have been a great help in my journey. Lawrence Patterson, DeVaughn White and Mickendra Barrett have helped me bring my own visions to life. These people have made the last few years worth it because otherwise it would have all been a waste.
Moving forward the only homework I'm going to do is my shorts, other than that I don't care. As far as the club goes, I'll do as much as everyone else. I'm not breaking my back to help a program that doesn't want to be helped. I just won't.
My focus, my time and energy is going to be put into Blueroof Productions 120%, something that I should have done a long time ago. Because that is what I care about. That is where my heart is and that is where my future is. School, dating, all the other bullshit that gets in the way of my goals are being put behind me because they are what have caused these last two years to be so bad. They are what have been killing my spirit, killing my soul. And I'm done being a victim when I don't have to be. I'm done working inside their box when I can create my own world and live in that. Life is too short to fall victim to a system that is designed to keep us in our places.
Do what makes you happy and forget the rest. It may sound selfish but I don't think it is. Once you found happiness in yourself you can help others find happiness. Look at iiSuperwomanii, she found something that makes her happy and now she goes out of her way to help others be happy as well. That is how we should all be.
Yesterday was a great day. Even dateless I still had so much fun. Who knew that Valentines day could be fun even when you are alone? Maybe a big part of it was that I wasn't alone. I spent the day with good friends having a lot of fun.
We started out going to comic-con. I had a blast there, even got the issue of Uncanny X-Men where Jean Grey dies, issue #137. I saw so many cool things at comic-con, I've been going to them for so long that the magic has started to fade a bit, but yesterday it seemed to come back. Maybe it is because for the first time in a long time I looked in the back bins. Looking for old comic books is what comic-con is all about.
After a day spend looking in book bins we went out to eat and that was a good feast. So how do you top that? You watch Deadpool. Such an amazing movie. Easily Fox's best comicbook movie. I'd put it up there with Marvel's films.
So the future of Uncanny Fans is here. We recorded the newest episode of the show in it's new format and it came out really good.
The show is now in three main parts. The first is The Hidden Pages, where we talk about Comic books that came out this week. D takes care of DC while we both talk about the Marvel books.
Next up is The Fourth Wall, where we talk about TV shows that aired this week. If you know me than you know how much I love TV, it is my life.
The third show is Jon's Corner where we talk all about entertainment news. Now this is episode 4 of Jon's corner. I've tried 3 different versions of this show over the years but I think this one will stick. The only problem with it this time was lighting. It was way too dark. Once we have that figured out everything will be good!
Now don't worry, the pod will still come out on Tuesdays. The audio from the three shows will be stripped out and podified. Life is good!
Jonathan Gutheinz vents about everything under the sun.