Well, there comes a time in everyone's life where you have to give up on your dreams. Admit that you don't have what it takes to make it in this world and move on. It's a hard thing to come to terms with, but when the time comes, you have to accept it. There is no other choice. None!
I always had a feeling this day would come, I just hoped I was wrong. Hoped that I would beat the odds and make it. I had faith in myself, but tonight, tonight that faith was shattered. A brave soul, took to the internet to tell me that everything I do sucks. It wasn't easy for this brave warrior. This hero to the people to step up and tell me the hard truth. It was a burden that they had to carry.
After all, you can not view something on the internet without telling people your opinion. You can't just not like something and move on. No, if you don't like something, you have to tell them. You have a sacred duty to tear that person down and make sure they know that they have no talent. To do any less would be cowardly.
And as we all know, no one who posts as anonymous is a coward. They are the only ones in the world who are truly without fear. They hold the rest of us up and keep us honest. I am forever grateful to this kind and generous soul. They will forever be my hero.
This blog is my goodbye to Blueroof Productions and all of my dreams and goals. All of it will be deleted by this time tomorrow and the sucky work I do will vanish from the world.
Yeah, nah. I'm not stopping. I love what I do. I'm proud of the work I've done. Yes, it could be better, but that is what art is. Work in progress. It's all about always trying to find ways to get better. To improve and that is what I am always trying to do. The world is full of people trying to tear you down. To make you feel less than because they have nothing in their lives. Because they aren't where they want to be. Aren't doing what they want to do.
The truth is, no one who is working on themselves has time to tear others down. No one who is happy in their lives try to make others feel shitty about themselves. That is the mark of someone who hates their lot in life and instead of trying to build themselves up, they try to tear others down. Whoever took the time to post on a video at 1 in the morning to tell me I suck, I feel sorry for you. I hope your life gets better. Much love.
Sometimes in life you get stuck. It can come in many different forms, be it relationships, jobs, or any other in life where you feel trapped. It comes complete with it's on stresses and feelings of helplessness.
In truth, it's how I've been feeling for the past couple of years. Since I left North Lake, I've felt kind of rudderless. Now this is in no way saying I miss North Lake or the bullshit that went on in that department, it's not and I don't. But I do miss having a crew.
After I left North Lake, I held onto a crew for a while and that was a lot of fun, but life is an ever evolving beast and it has a way of drifting people apart. I found myself working more and more alone on projects. Every once in a while I would get help, but not to the degree I had once upon a time.
While all of that was happening, age kept creeping up on me, along with all the stresses that go with it. I felt like I was so behind where I wanted to be, where I saw myself being. I didn't know how to come back from it. In short, I was lost. I started making things just to make things. Going through the motions more than anything else. It was miserable, but what could I do? If I didn't keep putting things out I would get questions about why I stopped or judgments about how I stuck with it too long anyways. I was trapped.
I don't know how I got out of it, but I did. One day I just woke up and decided to start working on stuff I love again. Not worrying about finishing x number of projects a week. Or meeting anyone else standards. Just working on things that I want to work on. Making sure that I enjoy not only the finished project, but also the process, which is something that I lost along the way.
We all get stuck sometimes, but we don't have to stay stuck. We can decide to free ourselves from the traps we find ourselves in. It won't be easy, or happen over night. But, we can do it. We just have to take one step forward at a time.
Jonathan Gutheinz vents about everything under the sun.