Cheers Mr. Steve Brown

So what's this? For once instead of being super late with my daily morning blog I'm being super early! Can it be that I'm getting more responsible? No. Don't expect a 3 in the morning post again anytime soon. Today is a weird turn of events.

I had an episode of my original podcast, Wolfcast, called Anya. It was the last episode and it was super short and just me talking. It served no point and was really just a vlog I made for youtube so I deleted it. It didn't need to be on there. It got me thinking about all the podcasts I've done over the years and I started looking back over them. I saw three that hit me. The first was from Blueroof casting. http://www.blueroofproductions.com/blueroofcasting/blueroofcasting-10-its-all-about-the-benjamins the next was a two parter starting in It's Not my Fault and ending in Wolfcast. http://www.blueroofproductions.com/its-not-my-fault/its-not-my-fault-6-its-corn-nuts-part-1 http://www.blueroofproductions.com/wolfcast/wolfcast-10-the-haunting-of-sauls-apartment-part-2

These three pods are amazing and if you haven't heard them you should. They have a guest by the name of Steve Brown and he is one of the most interesting people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in my life. He took me in and treated me like family. For the first time in Texas he made the place I was staying at feel like a home. Me and my mom loved him and his family.

Seeing these pods got me thinking that I should call him and do some  more episodes with him. After all he really wanted to. As did I. Believe me I did. He called and would ask about the numbers, keep in mind this was before I knew how to figure all of that out. So I would make stuff up and try and change the subject. He would then ask when we were going to do some more. I told him I would get back to him. I didn't have a lot of free time what with school and work. It was the best buy years and those were dark dark times.

I kept making mental notes to myself to call him back but then I started hanging out with this girl I worked with named Tayler. I fell for her hard and started spending all of my time with her. I even did two pods with her. One Blueroofcasting and one It's Not My Fault. http://www.blueroofproductions.com/blueroofcasting/blueroofcasting-14-james-vs-severus http://www.blueroofproductions.com/its-not-my-fault/its-not-my-fault-11-darrell-meets-esau
Meeting her was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. She used up all of my free time and never cared about me. Not really. She just used me for money, rides and well you know. To top it off she stole all my Buffy, Angel and Tru Calling DVDs. Then one day she just stopped talking to me. Never told me why, well  a month later I got an facebook message from her telling me all these lies. She was evil. And I was stupid.

That was the dark times of my life. It caused conflict between me and my best friend Ashley. If you listen to It's not my fault or Clean Jeans or Sunnydale Live you know who she is. I think my relationship with her also caused tension between me and my ex Erica, aka Miz. Ink. You can see her all over my youtube ch. and the podcast Miz. Ink and the Cracker. Now me and Ashley and me and Erica both fixed things up and got back to being in a good place, but that fight also caused a rift between me and Darrell. Also from my old youtube videos as well as early episodes of Blueroofcasting and It's Not My Fault. The guy was like a brother to me and we don't even talk now. I try to reach out to him but he can't be bothered. I wish I never met her. But the truth is it isn't her fault. I knew she didn't care about me and I let myself think she did. I lied to myself because I liked her. It cost me some really important relationships.

It ended right before I left Best Buy. Greatest thing I ever did! Never work there! I spent a month or two in a funk before I started to pick myself up and started working on other peoples projects for the rest of the year. It was a great year and I learned a lot and met a lot of cool people. Going into this year I started to work on my own. Over on my Youtube ch you can see some shorts I made this year https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCA9Ws04n3fvC6PONW9VynCw and I'm now working on my first film. Not to mention that I now do four weekly podcasts. I'm working on a few different comic books and a radio play. I'm doing everything I can to build Blueroof Productions up and it's starting to work.

So since I'm working so hard on it, every once in a while I go over the old podcasts to see what needs work for the future and I started listening to the ones with Steve Brown on them. Now I can't sleep. I feel so guilty. The last conversation I had with him he was so excited to do another episode and I told him I would get back to him. It's now almost two years later. My whatsapp shows that his phone number belongs to someone else. I'm going to call it anyways on Sunday but I think I missed my chance. I remember the apartments he lives in but not the apartment itself.

I can't believe I let so much time pass by. That I could be so selfish and inconsiderate  of those around me. All he ever did was try to build me up and help me and I took him for granted. That's why the blog that I now have been writing for over a half hour is being written this early. I just can't sleep. I'm a horrible person. I hope that he is ok. He was an older man with some health problems and the greatest stories you will ever hear. Those stories should be preserved. I remember he wanted to co-write a book with me about his life. That would have been an honor. One I might not be able to take part in anymore. I hope he is out there doing well and I hope he got to write his book. He is one of the nicest people I have ever met.

Cheers Mr. Steve Brown!