Depression is a horrible monster that steals your life away and when partnered up with its friend Anxiety, it prevents you from even attempting to break free from it's hold. So how do you fight against it?
Hell if I know. It's something that I have been trying to figure out since December 2019. Every time I think I start to break free, it drags me back down. I thought the answer was to focus on my own work, and I still think, by and large that that is the right answer. I walked away from every other project that I was working on for other people, burnt some bridges while I was at it. It was what I needed to do for my mental health and for my art.
The other day an old friend asked me to act on a project he was filming, I agreed, thinking that it would be good for me to get back out there and would only take a few days. Turns out I agreed to at least 3 months of filming every weekend. More time away from my own work and any ability to make money on the weekends. Why do I keep agreeing to things to make other people happy? What is so broken inside of me that I can't just say no to people?
Whatever it is, I just can't seem to escape it. So much of my life seems to be trying to take care of other people so that I one day have time to work on myself and things that I care about.
With that being said, I am buying a new laptop so I can start editing again. Even if I committed myself to someone else art, yet again, doesn't mean I can't find time to focus on myself. That is a mistake I have made far too many times. This time, here and now, I'm going to do what I need to in order to fulfill myself creativity.
Jonathan Gutheinz vents about everything under the sun.