So the more and more I try and finish these project I create the faster and faster they fall apart. The faster they fall apart the more disillusioned I become. It's like a whirlwind that keeps circling the drain. I see the end in sight and I keep trying to swim upwards towards my goal and away from my doom but no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to get out of the whirlpools grasp.
Over the last few years I've learned a lot of tricks of the trade and I try everyone single one of them to get out of this situation. None of them work. In fact it's almost as if all the extra tools and tricks I've picked up drag me down faster. I can't support my own weight much less all this added nonsense. What can I do? How do I get out of the water and pack on the race track? Who knows?
I think for starters I have to toss aside all of the extra tools that I have picked up. I need to stop worrying so much about how each project looks to my teachers and classmates and start going back into the projects that I enjoy. That our fun for me. I took something that I love, that makes me feel alive and turned it into a chore and it's slowly killing me. That isn't good and it damn sure isn't healthy. I need to find my own path and stop trying so hard to follow everyone else. Because at the end of the day, who do I want to be like? Everyone else or myself? I pick myself and you should too.
Jonathan Gutheinz vents about everything under the sun.