I can't help but wonder the point of life sometimes. I'm currently skipping class sitting at a table outside in the courtyard of North Lake. A table where I spent a lot of time the first go around at North Lake. It brings back a lot of memories of my hay-day, back when I was young and full of life. So confident that everything was going to work out and that by 30 I'd be a big shot movie director.
I'm a little more than a week out from my 28th birthday and well, I've failed to make the same movie twice, have a handful of shorts that have never seen the outside of youtube and well why we are talking about youtube, I have a bunch of skits that do okay, but not great. I also have a series of short stories no one has ever heard of and about half a dozen podcasts that go unlistened to. Not really where I thought I would be at this point in my life.
On the flipside, my podcast Clean Jeans is growing in fans and that is a nice feeling but overall I'm far short of where I want to be. So what do I do? Well, I keep at it. I try harder and pour my very soul into everything and hope that by 40 I get where I want to be.
God, 40. So old. Sometimes I sit here and think that I'll never make it, that I'm wasting my time and my life chasing after something that is out of reach but at the same time, there is nothing else I want to do. This is it. It's this or nothing.
This summer I need to try round 3 for making a film, maybe not Trapped in the Woods, at least not yet but I will make something. Sitting here, in this spot where I spent so much time all those years ago, I recall the sense of hope I felt back then. I can feel the sense of destiny that has long since left me. This is the feeling that I need to take with me moving forward. This is how I should feel everyday, no matter what life throws at me.
Never give up, never surrender.
Jonathan Gutheinz vents about everything under the sun.