What's the point?

Do you ever feel down? Like no matter what you do you just can't seem to find a reason to go forward? Every time you try to start working on projects you use to love you find yourself unmotivated? That's how I've been feeling the past week or so. I think a large part of it was how hard I was working on my murder mystery film and now I'm working on a project that I'm not passionate about. It seems to have just drained all of my energy out of me. I know that in this field I will have to work for other people on their projects all the time but this just feels like death. A large part of it might be that I've been running this project and can already feel that I'm going to be pulling more than my weight on it. So much time and energy on something I don't care about for a school I don't care about. I want to make art. I want to create films.

I just saw Tom Hanks new film Bridge of Spies and it moved me. That is what films can be, what films should be. If I can find a way to get Austin next week I want to see Colin Hanks new doc about Tower Records as well. These are people who love telling stories and that's what we should all aspire to be like. I love working on my friends Davis Trent and Larry Stanley's films because they care about their work. They put time and energy into it, where as in this project where the guiding rule is to make it simple so that it can pass. Why make something if the only goal is to pass a class? Film is an art form, it is not a job. It's not something you do to pass a class or collect a check, it is something you do because you have to, because you have no choice. It is the only thing you can do, the only thing that makes you happy because if you aren't creating than you aren't alive.

My school life feels so hollow because everyone there treats film like a job, like a task that has to be finished and perfected. They view stories and characters as little more than a means to an end. Let's tell something that looks cool but has no heart. That is all anyone cares about here. They turn art into a chore and it makes me want to throw in the towel, I'm not going to lie. But at the same time I can't. Writing is the only thing that makes me feel alive. I honestly can't see myself doing anything else. It's who I am and I'm good at it. I just can't let the people around me tear me down because it seems to be their only goal in life.